That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Couch. On fire.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
