Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
