is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
