Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
