Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's even glitter on my cock...
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