I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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