My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
