He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
