my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
