You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
