meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
