my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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