I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize