and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
