FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
