I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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