I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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