I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
