Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
