i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
