i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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