If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
