HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
