What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
