Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
