The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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