it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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