i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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