chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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