Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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