if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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