take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have aggressive nipples.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
