Kiss
Puke
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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