please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
