Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Terrible idea I love it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
