Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
