it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
