If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
