plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
