I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
