the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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