i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize