I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Your cock deserves a montage
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
