evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
