I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize