I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
