There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
