Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
