i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
