he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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