I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
FUCK WHALES
I came so hard my ears popped.
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