My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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