is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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