my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
