you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
