margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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