So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
