I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
