I want to stick my p in your. b.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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