Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize