So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
