I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need moral support for this bender
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize