Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize