I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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