guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
