What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
