so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
