Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
