Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
