My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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