beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
