he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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