So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
