Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
