So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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