a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
