My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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