your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize