Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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