i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
