We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
