Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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