It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
