Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize