Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
