the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're using joints as your birthday candles
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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