you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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