I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
