if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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