tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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