Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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