dude i'm inner monologue high
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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