I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
