Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
tonight lets celebrate not being married
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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