you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize