But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
