I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
