If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
