i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
