either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
