Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
