take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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