I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My liver just broke up with me...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
