Tell her she can't have a vagina
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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