It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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