It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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