My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
